New Year, New Me. Well, with this motto I have started my new year. But going forward what have I learned is in this blog. This article is here as on the night of 30th December, sitting with random strangers, I realised this. We were all a little drunk. Goa on 30th December is probably the place to be if you love to Party. Believe it or not, I was on a work trip till the 29th.
So, I decided to give myself a 24hr holiday and gave myself 30th Dec with a flight on 31st back to my hometown. Met a few strangers at the pool in my hotel, one kind of smiled and I smiled back. It’s a match !. She asked,” want to join ?”. With absolute, no hesitation and I said, “sure”. She sat behind my bike and we were at the beach in the next 15mins. The clock said 1:30AM but we were just getting started. Few beers in and the topic became, “relationships”. With the Arabian sea at its high tide and a cool breeze in my head, I started with the little sad story of mine on my turn. But then into the story, one said, “bro. she never loved you”.
This actually kept me up that night. During the flight back home when I started thinking, I actually realised and figured the signs. So here are 9 signs that your ex. never loved you :
1) Missing an Idea – Here what you need to think about is that did she love you for who you are or not. Chances are she actually fell in the idea of you. She fell for you as a concept but not with you as a person. For example; you tick all the boxes in their list. Job,Car,attractive, sense of humor,etc. , they like your facts and figures. But when it comes to your personality, all she did was try and change you into something you are actually not. At first, she told you; OMG you are my perfect guy, I was looking for someone like you. But the real point here is , she was looking for someone LIKE YOU but not YOU.
So, if your ex never liked your personality then she never loved you. She was just infatuated with an idea than in love with the real person. Hits hard but that is the truth .
2) Constant Stress – Just ask yourself a simple question. Were you happy being together or you had this crazy stress in your head when your partner was close?. It’s like everything about you annoys them and everything about them annoys you. If this was the case right from start or early on when you moved in together; she never had any love in this relationship. So, it’s no surprise if you have constant fights creating distance and keep taking breaks. But the real point here is that all this tension is coming from one partner (her) not you then we have a problem.
The point is that you as a man are being made unhappy by her drama otherwise it’s actually alright in your eyes. In other words, if she constantly wanted to fight more than makeup, there’s a good chance she was never in real love with you.
3) Family & Friend’s Distance – One of the hardest parts of breaking up a long-term relationship is the leaving behind of friends and family. When you become connected to each other live’s you not only get connected to them but also their family and friends. You build bonds with these people outside your own relationship. So, when the relationship ends, you feel you have not only lost the one you loved but also several friends and others. However, if love was never there, she would have never bonded with anyone important in your life. She may have just avoided your friends and family or just never tried to get to know them.
Furthermore, she would have not even let anyone from her closed knit circle get closer to you. You would have kept asking about her family members and other friends but the gates never opened. It’s like she was hiding you from everyone in her life. The day when you reveal it to your important people about your break-up they might not miss her. Not even the slightest because she never bonded with anyone. If all this looks familiar then surely something is missing from your relationship.
4) Total Ambivalence – When strong couples break up, the romantic feelings will keep linger for weeks, months or even years in some cases. If you truly love another,those feelings will not immediately disappear. A serious breakup comes with grief,sadness and frustration. But if your ex is ambivalent to the entire situation. The feelings for you have completely vanished in no time. In their mind, you are just a stranger. It’s like your relationship never existed. This reaction is actually common in people who were actually never in love. The love actually never blossomed in their heart. Therefore, the fallout has little to no effect and is hardly devasting like your state.
But how do you know if she was actually ambivalent?. So, after asking and researching I figured that it’s absolutely common for exes to keep in touch or send a random text. You still sometimes talk just like you used to. Some use even the given nicknames. But if this has become 0 and even if you tried, she replies like you are a stalker then this is because she had no feelings. She never really loved you.
5) Refusing to Fix – Mostly healthy couples actually find a way to get back together after a fight. They take time to think about what went wrong and work together to fix the problems. This way they remain stronger in the future. When two partners love each other, they cannot see each other unhappy for long. Nobody can see each other broken for long. They find ways to be happy together and are willing to make sacrifices. They are willing to work hard on fixing things.
But what if your ex is not interested? What if your ex refuses to work on the issues? . She refuses to work on the issues that broke you up in the first place. If she does not want to solve and work on the problems then she just does not want to get back together. She may not feel as strongly as you do about the relationship. Or maybe her love has faded away or worse she was never in love at all. Fading away from love is still not acceptable as it’s her fault if she did let it happen and never opened up to you.
6) Rapid Feelings – Did your love just pick up right away? Did you start holding hands after 2nd date? Did you get too serious without any real feelings behind your relationship? . Many partners mistake feelings of infatuation as it’s of genuine love. They just get carried away by the excitement, fun and adrenaline of the new relationship. Believing it’s a much stronger connection than what it really is.
But when the dust settles and the honeymoon phase tends to fade away they realize it’s not love at all. These relationships fall apart at the drop of a hat. One day you are in love and on the other, absolute strangers. She liked plenty of things about you. But after the wave of passion is over it’s the rope of love that holds you together. So if she has fallen out of love as quickly she felt for it then there was not much love, to begin with. Maybe she needed a rebound or maybe her ego wanted another quickly.
7) Sense of Relief – The day it ended you saw her being relieved. From her reaction does it look like this is the best thing that ever happened to her. She looks like a massive ton of weight has been lifted off her shoulders? . Well, this is because true feelings were never there. It was like she was forcing herself to be in this relationship or maybe her life was moving in a different direction. Either way, if your ex felt relieved after you called it quits, well then your relationship might have not been as strong as you think.
8) Move on Already – Has your ex started dating someone knew already. Starting a new relationship requires a huge emotional investment. After a tough breakup like mine, I believe most don’t have the emotional capacity to even consider a new relationship let go invest in one. So what does that mean if your ex is seeing someone new? Well, it means two things. One – she already him on speed dial and you were unaware or she is got over you a long time ago.
She can commit to someone else as her emotions weren’t invested in her relationship with you. This is true for the relationships which started off pretty quickly or if you were her rebound lover. You thought she was your world but the day you call it quits, you realize how less she had made you invested in her and she was anyway. It only takes you a few months whereas she did it in days. You were somewhat in love but she never really was.
9) Searching for signs – The last sign she never really loved you is because you are reading this article. If you are sure she never really loved you, she must have given you a reason or worse, you found out yourself. When someone loves you, they usually vocalize it. They express. They make an effort to come close to you and share intimate moments . The simple matter of fact is, you know your partner better than any article on the net. If deep down you know something is wrong, chances are it is. So, if you are looking for signs that she never loved you, you are questioning her feelings for you then your gut is trying to tell you something.
Listen to it closely and clearly. No matter where it comes from but if you are feeling this way then there is surely a reason for it. It’s easy to doubt yourself and question what is wrong and right. But no one understands your relationship and partner like you do. If you feel you were never truly loved then the bitter truth is Yes.