From the years of experience in this world and the dating scene, one thing which I have learned is that emotions and feelings are the foundation of any relationship. Anger is the most important of all. Anger can be very good for the relationship if channelled well. The problem is everyone knows how to get angry but very few know how to use it to make the relationship stronger.
If your girl is angry, there’s probably a good reason why. Anger is the emotion that tells us when something doesn’t seem right or fair or that we feel threatened in some way—and in today’s world, there are lots of things that might fit the bill. From not so important things like not liking her Instagram picture to why you do not like her cat. The list of ” I am angry about” is way bigger than any galaxy. Even the creator himself is also not sure as to what can trigger it.
But even if she is angry on a subject which she thinks is a waste of time and her state is not making you angry, she should learn to acknowledge the fact and share instead of keeping it inside of her. This is the time to communicate and she should learn how to and also manage her anger.
Here are some ways you can support her through these tough times :
1) Make her comfortable to share: You have to give her enough comfort and trust that it’s ok. It’s ok to be angry. You have her side and you will hear her side, acknowledge her feelings and solve the problem together. You won’t always have a change of heart, but seeing things through her eyes gives you the opportunity to course-correct when it makes sense to do so. Most importantly, you have just taught her how to talk and keep her point of view in a healthy manner. This will also help her in daily life, office and also other relationships.
2) She has the right to be angry but not rude & mean: There is a very fine line between being angry and rude & mean. She can be angry and keep her feelings in front of you. But in this process, she cannot become rude and start calling you names becoming disrespectful. In her anger, she cannot include or exclude another person to hurt your feelings. She should not have the mentality to score 1 against you at any cost. This will lead to way bigger chaos.
3) Using “I” to tell you what exactly you did and not making you guess: Expressing her feelings with an “I” statement, like, “I feel angry when [fill in the blank],” can lead to greater understanding and problem-solving. Believe it or not, honestly admitting anger can even deepen friendships. She should know by heart that you ended making her angry un-intentionally and it’s her duty to tell you and not yours to guess. Whatever she does to you now is intentional . Her reaction matters and can be a deal-breaker.
4) Tell her to speak out and “do not let go”: She should understand that it’s not at all OK to keep the stuff inside. If any action of yours has hurt her, it will also hurt you if you know that it did hurt her. I know for a fact that if my partner or friend hides such a thing, it will hurt me a lot more if I find out later after weeks, months, etc. It’s almost always healthier to pause and think about the emotions we’re feeling, what they’re telling us, and what changes would make us feel better. Ignoring anger or brushing it aside without processing it doesn’t make the feelings disappear. In fact, when we don’t deal with our emotions in a responsible way, they can come out in other more destructive ways down the line. I have been a victim of it by my partner. These surprises when they surface jolt you from inside. Why will you hurt the person you love intentionally is beyond me.
The point of sharing your feelings with your partner annoys many modern women. Many want you to mind-read them. This is so not done. The thought of expressing anger makes many girls (and even women!) feel super uncomfortable. Not even one Rom-com or any cartoon characters show how a woman dealt with her anger properly. Either they teach you to take revenge or the new feminism teaches you to find another man.
Anger is powerful because it can often be the first step toward creating meaningful change to make things better. So be sure your girl knows the stories of the angry girls and women who’ve used their emotions to change the world. An angry 16-year-old girl who was angry about the environment channelled it and almost ended up winning NobelPeacePrize. I am talking about Greta Thunberg.
Why will a healthy mind, heart man do something to hurt the woman he likes. He can do something which might disappoint you but again it’s unintentional. Talk to him and share your anger. If you want to grow as a couple, friends or as a person do it. His point of view might shut your anger volcano in 10seconds which you have kept inside for the past 10 days.
Believe in the love, crush and teach other about yourselves.