The Feeling of getting Divorced and Carrying the Tag


Divorce sucks, I’m not going to sugarcoat it. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one who wanted the split or the one who was left behind confused and bewildered — if there’s one thing to know about the divorce process, it’s that it bloody sucks .
And that’s just the way it is. My divorce just got finalized 2 weeks back after almost 11 months of mind numbing,heart-breaking back-forth bickering and banter. I always wondered what it would feel like when it was finally over, when the phone calls from our lawyer who was also my dad’s cousin would stop coming in, when my ex and I would come to the agreement that made us both feel content in our new situation as divorced . More than her it was actually me who had to make myself understand and end up paying the extortion money. I was saving all this money to buy a new car but I guess I bought PEACE instead . It’s the best thing one can buy with money and I did .

It is an unfortunate reality that there are manipulative and narcissistic people in the world. In many cases, it can be difficult for individuals to pick out those types of people, because they often have the ability to come across as amiable, fun, charming and more, especially if it suits their needs or wants. When you first met your spouse, you may have considered him or her charismatic and attentive, but after you got married, things changed.

Let me put it this way: The divorce process is the equivalent of throwing your gum out of the car window and having it fly back, bounce off your forehead, and get stuck in your hair.The more you try to take it out , the more hair it gets stuck with. In the end , leaving you no choice but to get the hair off. In divorce it is that part of your life or the piece of your heart.

Which is exactly why, throughout my year-long divorce process, I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Finished. Dunzo. People would constantly ask me, “Are you still going through the divorce process?!” as if they were shocked that ending a marriage legally wasn’t as easy as returning a product back to Amazon. I had reached a stage where everything I ever had for her was dead. She lied to me from the very first day we met to even making fool of her parents . I kept many of her secrets hidden as I want her parents to get shockers now. I’d wonder if it would ever end, or if I’d just go broke and bat-shit bonkers in the process. Divorce does not leave few like me financially down but also the person who cares most end up giving a part of the soul.

Then when day almost out of the blue, my father gets a call from her father that we are ready to settle if you give us this much money . We reached an amount and then two weeks later a date in court for my hearing – the day that would make it officially over, forever. Nope, not yet ! . The law says , I had to go through another 6 months of waiting period before the final hearing . But then those 6 months , thanks to COVID-19 lockdown , went like an absolute trace of bullet. I remember how I had met a girl online with the name S who did help me a lot only to later find out that she also had some internal demons , she needed help with . Good Time nonetheless , the date was here. 4th March,2021.

I didn’t sleep at all the night before I was set to be in court. I replayed each event of the previous year in my head, thinking about the times this girl broke me , what me & family had to go through , I fought for everything I needed to and how I kept my self-respect and head high from this toxic relationship. At first, you may have thought your spouse simply had a bad day or was in a foul mood when he or she snapped at you or criticized you. However, this type of mood and other negative actions soon became the norm, and you may have wondered what happened to that charming and attentive person you married.

My hearing was set for 10:45 a.m., bright and early. I drove to the courthouse with my Dad, cousin and uncle. The feeling was if I can describe correctly ; I was nervous, scared , shaky and her entire existence of being there sending chills down my spine. I remember how my Therapist explained Trauma Bond . But it’s all over now .

What was I so nervous for? I wanted this day to come for so long, didn’t I?

And then it hit me – it wasn’t the official divorce stamp I was longing for, it was just an end to the fight that I so desperately craved.

Whether you’re arguing over money or who was at fault, the divorce process turns everything into the ugliest fight you can imagine. Especially, when your wife wants money,takes everything in the house, even the jewellery and still has the audacity to call herself an independent women . Like from where you get the nerve to say that ?? . I am convinced that the divorce process was created to reassure you that you made the right decision in leaving your spouse. The Independent woman kept everything I bought for her and even the things which were actually mine.

Like my amazing Rugged Bluetooth Speaker . Oh man these Gold diggers !

This process will make you hate your soon-to-be ex more than you ever thought possible, reaffirming your decision to be done with the marriage forever – all while wondering how you went from happily ever after to divorce court. This was the woman I loved. After all the choices you had in this world. You picked her to grow old with . And she picked you to grow rich from . Any woman and her family who break marriage for no proper reason and demand money from the husband who did not even took a penny in dowry should be punished. Especially when the daughter is earning. I will not back down in writing that in my eyes be it my ex-wife are just a little sophisticated courtesan .

But then D-day comes, the fight is over, and it hits you so hard.

I walked into the courthouse that Thursday morning, fighting back tears, and trying to ignore the lump in my throat. Flashes of my past came to me in bits and pieces . How me,mom ,my sister who had come from Australia with my 7 year old niece ran from store to store to find that perfect wedding sherwani. Then the customized 3 Piece suit , those magnificent Footwear and zillion other things. For which her father said that 1 attire of yours will be a gift from our side (Indian Tradition).

Today, I am not surprised to tell you that I did give bills to my ex-wife who actually never gave them to her father or kept that money, I just don’t know. The bitch just needed money . Do check this out

As I stood in the courthouse line, wondering if everyone ahead of me was also walking the plank to divorce, I remembered that I once waited so long, if not longer, for that walk down the aisle almost 3 years or so ago. The Proceedings were pretty simple and the JUDGE was a good friend of my Lawyer uncle. She herself even told me after last hearing as how lucky I am to getting away with this. She sees so many girls everyday sabotaging marriages for money and this one ain’t different.

As if going through marshy ground, I made it to the elevator and hopped in for the ride up to the 4th floor. I rode that elevator up with the same feeling I had when I did stepped up to rode the horse and steps I took to the stage on my wedding night. Reaching 4th Floor , we found out that case is on 1st Floor. Took the elevator back and finally saw my name and her’s together ******vs****** . I cannot describe how it feels when ******weds****** becomes vs , but as they say sometimes ,’The truth is stranger than the fiction”. Today , this walk-in with her will leave me with a completely different fate than I had imagined on wedding night. But this was much exhausting .

A friend of my uncle who had also come to help if needed greeted me outside the courtroom. “Where were you?” as we were few mins late. “I’m sorry, uncle, this is my first time getting divorced. Had no idea it happens on 1st and not on 4th floor,” I said, trying desperately to lighten my own mood with my awkward quip.

Few Mins we waited and then our name was announced. By then I was sitting in the corner fiddling my phone in nervousness. To my surprise her Mother , who kept looking at me all this while and who still stalks me on social media , walked up to me and said,”let’s go”. We walked in . Stood inside the court waiting for our turn. The judge called her name , asked her ,”if she had a change of thought” , obviously she wanted money so how will that happen. I giggled under my mask and my lawyer heard me. I am sure his eyes were of a man who was also smiling. Then she asked the lawyer to hand over the Draft for the pending money. Literally, my 3 months salary . I gave to the lawyer and him to her . The Ex very swiftly took it. Checked it .

Then the Judge took my name to step forward and asked me to lower the mask to confirm it’s me . Her stamp clunked down on the file my lawyer handed her assistant, as he looked at me with a a bling in his eyes .

“Mubarkan , bach gayan hain” in punjabi which literally translates into , “Congratulations ! you just got saved “. I walked out of the court relieved but with a tag I have to carry till I decide to take the leap of faith again . “That’s it?” I thought to myself . Almost bursted into tears in the hallway of the courthouse but I controlled. Gave myself a minute and let her family walk away. I did not and I could not even look at her . I don’t even remember what exactly was she wearing .

Then the reality sinks in . It really does matter . Atleast to a normal person with a heart. Does not matter how badly you wanted it . Letting go of someone you thought to grow old with , loved or how ready you are to move on, start fresh , build again hits you hard. The finality of divorce, the closing of a chapter you never thought you’d have to end, the change of your marital status from Married to Divorced, is like experiencing a death of closed one. How do I moved on or how you can follow my tips you can check them here .

My uncle ,Dad and cousin were ahead of me . Dad did not even came inside the court saying he just does not want to see there faces. I don’t blame him. The man who took his daughter in-law and gave her more love then his daughter is bound to become that. I had asked my uncle to hand them over her remaining clothes which I had brought in a carton. It was in the back of my car to which I decided to wait and let uncle and cousin handle it. I wanted her to have that box because it had a present for her.

A message I had written next to a poem she wrote about her ex-lover 1 month before her marriage. I was lucky to find that diary . It meant that the day we met to the last day I was with her , it was all a lie. She faked it from day one. It was a shocker when I had found it which was after our 1st court date . Going through her clothes to pack them I did discover .
I walked up to my Dad who was waiting for me . He said , “son , anyone who wants to save a marriage or wants to be in one makes the effort. Mistake happens . You loved a girl she did not . Life goes on”. I smiled as it was coming from a man who also did get hurt in the process.

We sat in the car and headed back to my hometown. There was a brief discussion in the car as what could have happened but then we decided to stop as nothing would come out of it. We were hungry so we stopped for a KFC Drive-in. My cousin wanted to celebrate and most importantly I wanted as well. I remember how I ordered an insane expensive pair of sneakers to celebrate my final court date . I still don’t know why I did but 20 Grand in India on a sneaker is a lot . Maybe it was about getting free from all this which I wanted to tell myself. NIKE UPTEMPO if you are curious.

The day after my divorce was made official, I woke up feeling clear. A weight had been lifted, in lieu of the scarlet letter “D” being branded on my chest forever. To be able to say that the fight was behind me was extraordinary, though to say the same for a marriage I once had hope for just felt sad – but at least I was out of that awful limbo that is the divorce process.

As far as my Ex is concerned, she’s dead to me. Technically , in my thoughts she died on the 1st of Nov.2019 when I decided to walk-out of the marriage with final Goodbye. I feel happy now it’s over. Where she is what she does , I have no idea nor I am keen . Maybe she has gone to her Ex-Lover to break his marriage to which I was the rebound.Or some new guy is here who is being love bombed only to get rocked later. The only thing I do know is the she and her family stalks me . And I don’t worry about that as I don’t and have never seen her social media the day I blocked her which was 1st of Nov.2019. I have deleted everything now but I cannot erase this tag.

This is the reality . My 200 Dollar 45mins American Therapist told me in last video session that if you think people will not judge you , you are wrong. Only the ones who know your story will be by your side. Everyone will say that you must be at fault without knowing what your ex and her family did. They wouldn’t even relate to the terminology of a Narcissist.

So be prepared ! she said. She even told me that unless it’s like a second or third date with a girl , do not share this. Divorce stories are a big turn-off and you know you are not hiding it just delaying it. Conscience is clear and that what matters. Reason being currently you are still knowing her and it’s not a title you need hanging in your neck or written on forehead. Shit Happens ! . If she knows you , it will be easier for her to understand once she really wants to know. She will have past as well. Yours was legal. That is the only difference.

But I know staying in India with this tag is not something society accepts easily but it’s improving. I need not to give anybody justification but what I fear is the next girl I like or have a crush on might just let me go because of this tag. But you never know as who falls in love with you . The only thing I know is that I am looking forward. I will move forward in life — in a new relationship, in a new home in new city, and possibly in my career with a brand new title: divorced.

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A chilled out guy who loves to live life . Write about relationships from his own experience.

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